My role is to ensure that all the black squares, the little numbers and the lines are fitted into the puzzles on your screen. If they form a recognisable pattern, so much the better.
My colleagues, Oramancer and SiteSeer, are close personal friends of mine, which is probably just as well - that way I can dismiss all their insults as terms of affection.
I am tall, handsome and distinguished in appearance - and if I am lucky this will get onto the site before my so-called friends have a chance to edit it.
I am also disabled, and occupy the smallest dwelling in the known universe; this enables me to swing on my office chair from sink to fridge to cooker to keyboard in one balletic movement.
There is a Cat who lives here, although neither of us knows why - we don't belong to each other. He allows me to feed him, and I allow him to walk all over me.
My life is ruled by the Cat and the Computer (which takes up more space than I do).
My interests include music, words, the consumption of serious quantities of tea, feeding the Cat and hurling abuse at the Computer - don't feel sorry for it, it gives as good as it gets.
If I am allowed to you may occasionally get articles on serious tea and its equally serious consumption. Alternatively, you may get an article by the Cat.
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